How to Train Your Nervous System Out of Fight or Flight
Why meditation might be one of the simplest ways to create a more supportive habit for your body — and why five minutes a day can be enough to start.
I’ve just hosted my first Women’s Wellness Circle, and our subject was meditation.
But actually, meditation was only part of the story.
What we were really exploring was how to get out of the habit of living in fight or flight — and into a nervous system state that supports rest, recovery, digestion, sleep, thinking and overall wellbeing.
Because here's the thing.
Your nervous system is designed to protect you.
When it senses threat, it mobilises you. Your attention narrows. Your body prepares for action. Your stress response kicks in.
That is brilliant when there is actually a tiger in the room.
The problem is that modern life can keep pressing the same buttons — work, technology, deadlines, family, lack of sleep, constantly being switched on — until the stress response becomes a habit.
And when your body spends too much time with the accelerator pressed down, it becomes harder to properly rest.
The body doesn't always know that the tiger has gone
One of the things we explored at the Women’s Wellness Circle was the difference between the fight-or-flight response and the rest-and-digest state.
You need both.
The stress response isn't bad. It's essential. It helps you respond to challenges and gives you energy when you need it.
But your body also needs periods where the opposite happens — where you can slow down, recover and restore.
This is particularly interesting for women as we move through perimenopause and menopause because hormones and the nervous system don't operate in isolation.
Changes in reproductive hormones can influence things like sleep, mood and how we experience stress, while ongoing stress and poor sleep can affect how we feel physically and emotionally.
So rather than looking at hormones as a completely separate problem to solve, I’m interested in the whole system.
Body. Brain. Nervous system. Hormones. Sleep. Breath. Thoughts. Environment.
The whole being.
Meditation is not about emptying your mind
This is one of my favourite misconceptions to bust.
You don't have to sit cross-legged.
You don't have to stop thinking.
You don't have to become completely serene.
And you certainly don't have to be particularly good at it!
Meditation is really about training attention and creating a pause.
It's giving your nervous system an opportunity to experience something different from the constant stimulation of everyday life.
At our event we experimented with different approaches — breath, body awareness, counting, mantra, sound, guided meditation and periods of silence.
Because there isn't one right way to meditate.
What works for one person may drive another person absolutely bonkers.
And that's okay.
Why is meditation so magical?
Because with practice, you can begin to create a different relationship with your own internal state.
Instead of automatically reacting to every thought, sensation or external demand, you begin to notice.
Pause.
Breathe.
Choose.
And that pause matters.
We talked about how the brain can become accustomed to particular patterns — including patterns of fear, stress and constant vigilance. Meditation gives you a way of practising something different.
You are, in effect, giving your system the opportunity to practise calm. Not just thinking about being calm. Actually experiencing it.
And the more consistently you practise something, the more familiar it becomes. A new, more functional program.
Five minutes really can be a starting point
This is why I don't want meditation to become another thing on your enormous list of things you should be doing.
You don't need an hour.
You don't need the perfect meditation room.
You don't need a special cushion.
Start with five minutes.
Five minutes of sitting quietly.
Five minutes of following your breath.
Five minutes of listening to a guided meditation.
Five minutes of lying down and consciously releasing tension from your body.
Five minutes before bed.
The point isn't to achieve some extraordinary meditative state.
The point is to create a new habit.
A little daily practice that says to your nervous system:
We don't have to be switched on all the time.
We can slow down.
We can rest.
We can come back to ourselves.
And this is where my book came from...
The more I explored this subject, the more I realised there was far too much to squeeze into one evening.
So I wrote a book.
5 Minutes of Stillness is my very first book — created around the idea that meditation doesn't have to be complicated or time-consuming to become part of your life.
It's about finding those small moments of stillness and using them to create a more supportive relationship with your nervous system.
Because sometimes five minutes is all you have.
And five minutes is infinitely better than waiting for the mythical day when you suddenly have an hour to yourself.
So what can actually help you settle?
You don't need any special equipment to meditate. But if you're trying to build a regular practice, there are a few simple things that can make it easier to get comfortable, reduce distractions and create a little ritual around your time.
These are some of the things I personally use.
🎧 Noise-blocking headphones
These are probably my number one meditation tool.
One of the hardest things about meditation when you're new to it is simply everything going on around you.
The washing machine. The dog. The traffic. Your partner watching television. The children. The neighbour mowing the lawn...
And then there's your own brain adding its contribution to the noise!
Noise-blocking headphones can create a little bubble around you. They make it much easier to listen to a guided meditation, music or sound without being pulled back into what's happening around you.
And they mean you don't necessarily need a perfectly quiet meditation room. You can meditate wherever you are.
These are the ones I use:
🪑 A meditation seat
Comfort matters.
If your hips, knees, back or feet are complaining after two minutes, you're going to spend the rest of your meditation thinking about your body rather than settling your mind!
I use a wooden meditation bench, which allows me to sit comfortably and upright without having to force my legs into a particular position.
Here's one similar to mine:
You could also try a meditation cushion:
—or simply use a chair.
And honestly, a chair is absolutely fine.
There is no prize for sitting cross-legged on the floor.
For some people, sitting cross-legged for a long time can create pressure or pins and needles and become uncomfortable. The whole point is to give your body enough support that you can settle rather than constantly fidgeting.
I've never really got on with the cushion myself, but different strokes for different folks!
🌿 Lavender oil
Our sense of smell has a very direct relationship with the brain, which is one reason scent can become such a lovely part of a relaxation ritual.
I like lavender because, for me, the smell has become associated with slowing down and settling.
And that's really the point.
You can create a little cue for your nervous system.
The same way putting your pyjamas on or getting into bed can tell your body that the day is coming to an end, using the same scent when you meditate can become part of your ritual: this is my time to slow down.
I love using lavender oil to create a more relaxing atmosphere when I'm settling down to meditate.
Here's the one I use:
🧘♀️ An acupressure mat
This one is a little more unusual.
I sometimes use my acupressure mat during lying-down meditations and often before going to sleep.
For me, the combination of lying down, the sensation from the mat and deliberately slowing my breathing creates a lovely transition into a more relaxed state.
I find it wonderfully relaxing and feel it helps me have a great night's sleep.
Here's the one I use:
But you really don't need any of this
And I really mean that.
You don't need headphones.
You don't need a meditation bench.
You don't need lavender oil.
You don't need an acupressure mat.
You don't even need a particularly peaceful house!
The tools are simply there to support the practice.
What matters most is finding a way of creating a little space between the constant stimulation of everyday life and your internal world.
Five minutes in a chair.
Five minutes with your headphones on.
Five minutes lying on your bed.
Five minutes before the children get up.
Five minutes before you go to sleep.
It doesn't have to look like traditional meditation.
It just needs to give you a chance to pause.
Because ultimately, this isn't about becoming a better meditator.
It's about giving your nervous system another option.
A chance to move from constant doing into being.
From the accelerator to the brake.
From reacting to responding.
From living with your nervous system permanently on alert to developing a habit of coming back to calm.
And perhaps, little by little, learning to feel more at home in your own body.
That's the work.
That's the practice.
And it really can start with five minutes.
A little note: Some of these links are Amazon affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission if you purchase through them, at no extra cost to you. I only share things I personally use and love. Thank you for supporting me and my work. ❤️
Want to hear about future Women’s Wellness Circles?
If you'd like to know about upcoming events, just drop me a message or join my mailing list and I'll make sure you hear about them.
Anneke
Whole Being Wellbeing
Women’s Wellness Circle Events Hosted by Perpetual Energy
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